I think I can, I know I can, I will... Keep going until...

Even though I walk slowly, sometimes with a limp, and not too far for too long, I CAN and will walk until I can no longer (I will take as many breaks as needed).

I have weakness when I stand for long periods of time, I CAN stand and will do so until I can no longer.

Tremors occur all day, everyday with intensities ranging from 1-10 which make it difficult to pick up/grab things, turn pages, but it is difficult not impossible. I CAN and will pick up/grab things until I can no longer.

Fine motor skills are far less than perfect, but I CAN do what requires fine motor skills until I can no longer.

Memory is not too great during exacerbation, high points of stress that may even cause an exacerbation, some people have a bad memory in general,  I CAN play memory games to strengthen the memory.After all, the brain/memory is a muscle and needs to be strengthened just as any other muscle in the body does.  Hvae fun and excercise at the same time.

Coordination is off and cannot dance anymore amongst other things, I CAN  and will do the two step until I can no longer do so.

Those are just a few of the symptoms. True, I am stubborn but I will ask for help when it is needed. My aunt Robin came to take care of me in San Francisco during my college years when I had my worst exacerbation. Robin said to me...

"Brit, you're going to have to put your pride to the side and let us help. Switch your medication if the new medication has the possibility of greater positive outcomes than that specific side effect you're focusing on because that side effect might not even happen and your current medication isn't working."

 

Ask. That is exactly what I have done and continue to do when needed.

"A closed mouth doesn't get fed."

 

What I say is not to bring you or your day down and evoke a pity party, it is to spark your determination and achievement when completing positive life & everyday tasks, how to approach obstacles and hurdles to know you CAN do it just do not give up on what it is. If I CAN do it with all that I go through daily with my diagnosis... so CAN YOU, whether you have a specific diagnosis or not.

Challenges welcomed and appreciated because I am a fighter (so are you) and will not be defeated. Why? Because I refuse to let MS stop me. Besides, there are disability adaptions, customizable ones too. Looks are not everything but I CAN  and will customize them to make it fit my personality and "speak to me." 

 

I still smile, crack jokes/laugh at jokes, go out and enjoy the beauty in a days or evenings worth and will do so until...

"Its not about the one who fights the most or hits the most, its about the one who throws the most hits."- Dr. Steve Perry

The intensified unbalancing act... Ain't I a woman?

Many women believe that they are less of a woman if they cannot wear high heels. If that is the case, does that make me less of a woman because I can no longer wear high heels due to multiple sclerosis.

That is one of the issues that constantly arises with women and MS. No I cannot wear high heels. 3 in -6in is what I used to wear. Balance issues are what I am faced with on a daily basis because of my diagnosis.

To wear something that compromises and heightens the unbalanced intensity level is not an optimal idea. Guaranteed I am going down. Whether it be forward, backward, left or right... I'm going down. The fall from the unbalancing act is one that can be and should be avoided. Falling is always a possibility with MS (woman or man) for reasons the patient cannot control due to our equilibrium being off, weakness, and dizziness all induced by the diagnosis. Wearing the heels brings on additional problems, injuries (serious and not so serious). Possible wounds, scars, loss of consciousness, broken bones... I definitely pass.

Yes, I miss wearing my high heels :-(. But not that much after considering the dangerous possibilities:-). Those possibilities definitely outweigh missing the high heels. With confidence, I most definitely pass.

Its amazing how something that was once used as punishment for women has become fashion and the same subject it was used to punish can feel less of a woman if she cannot wear them.

Although, I will wear my heels if I remain seated and pose for pictures. :-)

There it is again... Determination & alternative finding.


So am I less of a woman? Absolutely not. Do shoemakers do us wrong in the flat department? In my opinion, some do (but not all). I just rock the heck out of some boots.... With a flat sole of course.:-)

See & Say... then Do

Set-  Positive reasonable goal(s),

See-  Write the goal on a piece of paper in big bold letters, Place that piece of paper somewhere where you will see it EVERYDAY,

Say it-  to yourself at least twice or more times daily (in the morning to get your day started and before you go to bed),

Strive toward that goal until the goal completed.

 Do it all over again....

 

 

Set, See, Say, Do.....

... Take your time, do it right.

"Fast not an option" Take your time. I have found ways to get around needing to move fast. I need to allow myself more time to complete whatever it is that requires me to move fast. To be in a rush would not be advised. Go figure, The "rush" would actually take longer. You're probably wondering, how is that? Rushing would cause anxiety, frustration, and anger. Who wants that, right? Jogging how I used to, or power walking/jogging/running period... That's comical. Not only do I feel awkward but I look it too. Distance, not sure exactly how far I can go before I start walking with a limp and/or need a break. Going up flight(s) of stairs is fine and it's exercise. Going down that same flight(s) is terrifying. My right knee locks up and I need not to have a person behind me, moreover, one who is not in a rush. Or else here comes the anger, frustration, and anxiety (the three amigos).

They are a staple throughout this illness. Taking a break from whatever it may be that causes the appearance of those close friends (some times their cousin "tears" comes along for the trip ); breaks always relax me. ease the bodily tension that I experience, and prepares me to finish what I started. I always finish anything I start. Quitting is not an option. I live by that motto with anything that I attempt/complete. (Being stubborn actually has a good quality). But you do not need to be as stubborn as myself to live by this.

All you need is the motivation, inspiration, and determination. The fact that I have MS is actually one of my driving forces that makes me live by "Quitting is not an option". It makes me think "I will not be defeated by this monster.  That's just one way that I have/do turn my devastation into motivation.  I have to change my plan of attack, but I will not be defeated." No matter how long it takes or doesn't take, I will not quit. I tell myself, I can do this. May take me some time, but I've got this." It's okay for cousin tears to come along for the ride because you're human and it is an innate emotion as well as a release. Just do not quit. If whatever it is that you are doing is not time sensitive and you resume the task the next day or week (remember don't quit) that's okay because you did not quit.

That should be on your list of things to do/not do: 1. Don't quit, 2. Complete the task. My mother has always told me...

 "Step back and take a break, a few breaths, then go at it again."

If needed take a few breaks. I physically move slower, that's fine because it doesn't take away from my heart, mind, personality, and character.  I am not multiple sclerosis and visa versa.  I'm Britni N. Dunn. 

Thanks to my wonderful loving parents/family/great friends, support groups, learning from others, the S.O.S Band, and the story of the Tortoise and the Hare, I have learned to "...take my time and do it right"

"It may be difficult but it is not impossible.  It does slow me down but it does not stop me." 

 

 I'm still the same ole' B.

Live, Laugh, Learn...

Today is day number 2 that I have been able to walk without assistance, without a limp, and faster than I usually walk! Pain, minimal...

Aleve, & Tiger balm seriously help my back pain, stiffness in my right knee and ankle. After using it and letting it seep in I am able to feel almost back to "normal".

The things that I experience daily, not only add to my uniqueness but have become my new normal. I don't even remember what it is like to not experience pain, to have coordination, fine motor skills, equilibrium, strength on my right side (dominant side), can't stand or walk long, tremors (looking like I'm nervous all the time). Being without all of those symptoms is well, faint memories.
Although I adapted,  I adapted and recently learned...

...Soup, not a good look for someone who suffers from tremors.

Lol straws and non liquid based foods all the way. :-). I gave it a great try and when it's said and done, I tried and learned (the soup (chicken gumbo) was delicious too). You learn something new everyday, right? Lol yesterday that was my lesson learned. All day everyday, With determination I am Still living, laughing, and learning. :-)

You've got to try either succeed or not, you definitely learn.  Learning is always a great experience. 

 

"You learn something new everyday"

Turn that frown upside down...

I'm pretty sure anyone who has Multiple Sclerosis goes through (or has previously experienced) bouts of depression, frustration, and anger due to the diagnosis and the unpredictability. I thought that those things would not happen to me... until it did. Yes, it was a late onset of depression, anxiety, and anger but it all occurred at once and I learned to deal (still learning).

2005 is when I was diagnosed with MS but the depression, anger, and anxiety did not set in until early 2012. I had a lifelong dream of becoming a dentist then the dream was yanked away from me because of the tremors that I suffer due to my MS. Doctors told me that I can go to dental school but won't be able to become a dentist.

What would be the purpose of spending all of that money to not get the desired outcome? I later spent 5 months being depressed. Depression is not uncommon for MS patients and others who do not have MS or any disability at all. MS in many ways and times forces a change of direction and plans. I asked myself, what am I good at? Told myself I need to perform a self inventory. As I inventoried my skills, capabilities, and experiences and came to a conclusion. I concluded that I am very good at assisting, listening, and empowering people.

Do I like that? Yes.  Am I willing to change the path I wanted to follow? Yes.  After all, being of some sort of positive assistance has always been extremely exuberant and gratifying to me. To know that I helped someone, is one of the things that bring me the most joy. I have talked a few out of suicide, motivated some to pursue education and higher education, others to acknowledge the importance of their health (mental and physical), and etc.

In 2009, while visiting a church in New Jersey, a member of the congregation asked "What is it that you like to do? What do you want to do for a living?" I replied, "I like to help people. I just want to help."

Interesting enough, after the diagnosis in 2005, the visit to NJ in 2009, the devastating news from the doctors about dental school in 2012, deep depression, and self inventory; it all came full circle to me. I also came to realize that both being a dentist and uplifting / empowering / motivating people are achieving the goal of my answer of "I just want to help." Yes they are both different ways to exemplify help, but help comes in different forms and is employed differently.

Moreover, I started my new journey to achieving success. With that realization, I proceeded to "turn my frown upside down."

"Success is a journey, not a destination"--Unknown.

Things that make you go hmm...

It is interesting and sort of funny when I tell people that I have multiple sclerosis.  That statement is usually immediately followed by "You don't look disabled or like you have MS."  It used to upset me but after a while, I got accustomed to hearing it.  I curbed the anger with realizing that not to many people know what Multiple Sclerosis is, how it affects its inhabitants, inside and out; how I found out, what were the indicators that prompted me to get checked by the doctor, tests I had to take, etc.  Multiple sclerosis not only effects us physically.  MS also effects us emotionally, mentally, and socially. 

Truthfully, they are caught off guard when I and ask "what does a person with MS look like? Or what does someone with a disability generally look like?"  That usually leaves them tongue tied or at a loss for words since many disabilities can be or begin as hidden.  I then go into how MS specifically effects me, and generally effects a person, and the common symptoms that are shared.  MS is as different as fingerprints and affects each of us MSers differently but we do share some commonalities. Not all MSers experience all of the symptoms listed below but the experience of one or more is expected:

·                 Slurred speech/mumbling

·                 Tremors

·                 Bladder & bowel dysfunction

·                 Difficulties swallowing

·                 Hearing loss

·                 Insomnia

·                 Foot drop

·                 Muscle tension/tightness

·                 Muscle spasms

·                 Dizziness / Vertigo

·                 Muscle weakness

·                 Difficulties walking

·                 Headaches

·                 Numbness

·                 Fatigue

·                 Loss of balance

·                 Loss of coordination

·                 Pain

·                 Sexual dysfunction

·                 Spasticity

·                 Cognitive problems

·                 Memory loss

·                 Temperature (Heat/cold) intolerance

·                 Tingling

·                 Vision disturbances

·                 Involuntary eye movement

·                 Falling

·                 Paralysis

·                 Anxiety

·                 Seizures

·                 Depression

·                 Exhaustion and breathing problems

 I ask you... Do you know what MS is? What someone with a disability looks like?  What someone with MS looks like?  What is it to you?  MS not only effects the individual who was diagnosed.  It not only effects the individual with the diagnosis but also their families since they witness firsthand, what the MS patient deals with on a continuous basis. Maybe even effects some friendships.

It is not always days full of minor or major difficulties. There are also days of accomplishment and prosperity. The prosperity and accomplishment comes more often after focusing on what CAN be done instead of focusing on what cannot be done.